What is grief counselling?
It’s a form of therapy designed to help people work through the various stages and emotions of grief following a loss. Counselling can help individuals avoid some of the more acute manifestations of grief and process their emotions in a healthy manner.
Benefits of Grief Counselling
Grief counselling isn’t some miracle cure for dealing with loss. It won’t help the bereaved forget about a deceased loved one or avoid the pain of loss. Instead, it can help the bereaved understand, accept, and manage emotions to live a full life — but there’s no guarantee that everyone will experience the same benefits.
Complicated Grief Treatment
Between 5% and 10% of bereaved people experience complicated grief, wherein feelings of grief persist and become overwhelming. Complicated grief treatment (CGT) can help patients work through these emotions and adjust to life after a loss. CGT revolves around seven core themes:
1–Understanding and accepting grief
2–Managing emotional pain
3–Planning for the future
4– Strengthening existing relationships
5–Telling the story of the loss
6–Learning to live with reminders
7–Creating a connection to memories of the deceased
Coping with grief can be a challenging and emotional process. Practicing self-care strategies can help provide support, comfort, and promote healing during this difficult time. Remember, self-care is an ongoing practice, and it’s important to adapt these strategies to suit your individual needs. Take care of yourself and be patient as you navigate through the healing process.
Losing a mother is a grief like no other. It can feel like a thousand tiny pieces of your heart have been scattered, leaving you feeling broken and confused. It feels like a piece of you is missing and your whole world is turned upside down. The loss of a mother is so deep and so devastating that it can completely overwhelm you and leave you feeling completely alone in the world. The grief you feel is a unique kind of pain that only those who went through it would understand.
1–Sadness
The feeling of sadness is overwhelming when you lose a mother. It’s a deep ache that settles into your bones and doesn’t seem to ever leave. You mourn the loss of your biggest cheerleader, your confidant, your advisor, your friend. You feel like there’s a void in your life that can never be filled.
Everything seems grey and lifeless without her. You find yourself in tears for no reason, at the sight of something that used to bring you joy, or at a happy memory that will never happen again. You want to be able to call her up and share your accomplishments, to seek comfort in her words when life gets tough. But you can’t.
It’s a grief that ebbs and flows. One minute, you’re feeling okay, and the next, the sadness hits you like a ton of bricks. The reminders of her are everywhere – in the smells, the sounds, the familiar objects that were hers. The emptiness of the space she left behind is palpable.
You try to keep going, but the sadness creeps up on you, suffocating and paralysing you. You feel like you can’t escape it. The pain is everywhere, it becomes a part of you, and you wonder if you’ll ever be able to feel joy again.
But eventually, you come to realise that it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to grieve the loss of your mother. You learn to let the sadness co-exist with other emotions and find ways to cope. You start to honour her memory and cherish the time you had together. And while the sadness never fully goes away, you learn to carry it with you as a testament to the love you shared.
2–Anger
The death of a mother can leave us with a lot of conflicting emotions, and anger is often one of the most intense. We may be angry at ourselves for things we wish we had done differently or for things we did that we regret. We may be angry at the circumstances that led to our mother’s passing or the people involved in her care. We may even be angry at our mother for leaving us behind.This anger can be incredibly overwhelming, and it can make us feel like we have no control over our lives or our emotions. It’s important to recognise that it’s a normal part of grieving and that we shouldn’t try to suppress or deny it. Instead, we need to find healthy ways to express and process our anger. This might mean talking to a trusted friend or grief counsellor, engaging in physical activity to release pent-up energy, or writing in a journal.
It’s also important to remember that our anger is not a reflection of our love for our mother. We can still deeply love and miss her while also feeling angry about her passing. Grief is complex and multifaceted, and it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions as we navigate this difficult journey.
3–Disbelief and Denial
One of the most common emotions experienced when a mother dies is disbelief and denial. It’s hard to wrap your head around the fact that someone who was always there for you, who you relied on, and who loved you unconditionally is no longer there. You may find yourself constantly questioning whether it really happened or if it was all just a bad dream. You might catch yourself waiting for them to come home, or picking up the phone to call them only to realise they won’t answer.The process of grieving a mother is complex, and disbelief and denial are normal parts of the journey. It’s okay to take the time to process the reality of the situation and come to terms with your loss. But it’s just as important to remember that denying your emotions won’t make them go away. It’s natural to want to avoid pain, but allowing yourself to feel your emotions is an important step in healing.
In addition to disbelief and denial, you may also experience other difficult emotions such as guilt, anxiety, and depression. These emotions are all normal and part of the grieving process. Remember that it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone’s journey is unique.
Losing a mother can be a deeply emotional and psychological experience. It can leave you feeling shattered, alone, and overwhelmed. But with time, and by allowing yourself to feel and process your emotions, you can begin to find a new sense of normal and move forward with your life.
4–Guilt
One of the most difficult emotions to deal with after losing a mother is guilt. It’s not uncommon for children, even as adults, to feel guilty after the death of a parent. Whether or not there is a logical reason for feeling guilty is irrelevant – it doesn’t have to make sense. You may feel guilty about not spending enough time with your mother, for not trying to do more, or for not saying or doing something before she passed away. You might even blame yourself for her death, thinking that you could have prevented it somehow. “What if?” questions will occupy your mind endlessly.
The truth is, there’s no way to change what has happened. Death is a natural part of life, and we all have to face it at some point. However, that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with, especially when it comes to a mother’s death. The guilt can be overwhelming, and it can consume our thoughts and emotions.
It’s important to remember that your mother probably wouldn’t want you to feel guilty. A mother loves unconditionally, and she wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for something that was out of your control. You need to forgive yourself and let go of the guilt so that you can begin to heal.
One way to deal with guilt is to talk to someone about it. A friend, family member, or grief counsellor can help you process your feelings and work through your guilt. They can also remind you that you’re not alone, and that it’s normal to feel this way after losing a mother.
It’s also important to remember the good times you shared with your mother. You should try and focus on the positive memories and cherish them, rather than dwelling on the negative. Your mother would want you to remember her with love and happiness, not guilt and sadness.
Losing a mother is never easy, and the guilt that comes with it can make the grieving process even more difficult. However, with time and support, we can learn to forgive ourselves and find peace in the memories we shared with her.
5–Anxiety
Losing a mother can be a deeply anxiety-inducing experience. For many, the loss of such a significant figure in their lives can trigger a range of worries and fears about the future.
It’s common to experience anxiety about the practicalities of life after losing a mother. Questions like “Who will I turn to for advice now?” or “How will I manage without her emotional support?” can be overwhelming.
The anxiety can also manifest as worry about the future. Without a mother to turn to for guidance and reassurance, it’s easy to feel lost and uncertain about the direction your life is taking. You might find yourself constantly questioning your decisions and wondering if you’re doing the right thing.
Additionally, the anxiety can be exacerbated by the knowledge that your mother won’t be there to share in your future milestones and achievements. Graduations, weddings, and other significant life events can feel bittersweet without your mother there to celebrate them with you. At this stage you are not only grieving the loss of your mother, you are also grieving for the future that you imagined with your mother, that will forever look different now.Facing this anxiety alone is never a good idea. Talking through your fears and worries with someone who cares about you can help to alleviate some of the pressure. Additionally, seeking professional counselling or therapy can be beneficial in managing the anxiety and other emotions associated with losing a mother.
6–Depression
Depression is one of the most common emotional responses to losing a mother. The unbearable sadness can feel so overwhelming that it begins to affect every aspect of life, making it difficult to find the motivation to do anything. A sense of emptiness may follow as one begins to realise the void that their mother has left behind.
The grieving process may be further complicated by unresolved issues or conflicts with one’s mother that were never resolved, which can leave one feeling lost and uncertain about the future. The depression you feel can cause a lack of appetite, difficulty sleeping, and physical fatigue. Thoughts of self-harm and suicide are also possible.It’s essential to understand that depression is a normal reaction to such a profound loss. Grief counselling, support groups, and other forms of therapy can be incredibly beneficial to help process the pain, heal the wounds, and find a way to move forward. In many cases, medication may be necessary to manage the symptoms of depression, and seeking help is always encouraged.
7–Loneliness
Losing a mother can be a lonely experience, even when surrounded by loved ones. It’s as if a part of your world has disappeared, leaving a void that no one can fill. Even in a crowded room, you can feel isolated and disconnected, as if nobody truly understands your pain. It’s common to withdraw from social situations and avoid activities that used to bring joy, such as holidays or family gatherings.You might find yourself longing for your mother’s presence, replaying memories of the times you spent together and wondering what life would be like if she were still here. It can be a struggle to accept that she’s gone, and even harder to move on without her. You may feel as though you’ve lost a piece of yourself that you will never be able to get back – no one can fill that space left in your heart, the space that used to be your mother.
In some ways, losing a mother can feel like losing a best friend and confidante. She was the one person you could always count on for support and guidance, and without her, it can be hard to navigate the ups and downs of life. She has been there for your whole life, and now she no longer is. You may feel like you’re fumbling in the dark, searching for a way to cope with the overwhelming emotions that come with grief.
While you may never completely overcome the loss of your mother, over time, you can learn to adjust to life without her and find a new sense of purpose and meaning. By honouring her memory and finding ways to keep her spirit alive, you can begin to heal and move forward with your life, knowing that even though she is not here with you anymore she can still hold a special place in your heart.
8–Finding a New Normal
As the days turn into weeks, and the weeks into months, the reality of losing your mother starts to sink in. Your life as you once knew it has changed, and you’re left wondering how to navigate this new normal.
While grief never truly goes away, you begin to find a way to cope with it. The feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and loneliness may not be as intense as they once were, but they’re still there. You’ve learned to live with them.
You’ve also learned to lean on your support system – family, friends, and perhaps a grief counsellor. You’ve allowed yourself to open up about your emotions and how you’re feeling, which has helped you process the loss of your mother.
You may have also found ways to honour your mother’s memory, such as volunteering for a cause she cared about or participating in an event in her honour. It’s a way to keep her memory alive and to feel closer to her.
And, slowly but surely, you start to find joy in life again. It may not be the same joy you once felt, but it’s a new kind of joy. You’re able to smile and laugh again, even though there’s still a sadness in your heart.
Finding a new normal after losing a mother is a journey, and it’s different for everyone. But with time, patience, and the support of those around you, you will get through it. And your mother will always be with you, guiding you along the way.
